HARRY L. NEWTON'S 

One-Act Comedy Sketches, 

Monologues and 

Dramatic Episodes 



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ACTOR AND THE JANITOR. THE 

A Comic Novelty Act 
CASEY THE INVENTOR A Vaudeville Comic 
CHATTER Monologue for Males 

COLLEGE CHUMS, THE A Comedy Incid^-nt 

DOWN IN PARADISE ALLEY Comedy Sketch 
FAMILY SECRET Monologue 

GIVE THE WOMEN A CHANCE 

A Suffragette Monologue 
IMMIGRANT INSPECTOR A Comedy Talkfest 
IN A CABARET Comedy Crossfi-e 

INVITATION TO THE BALL Comedy Sketch 
IZZY'S VACATION A Summer Episode 

JACK AND HIS QUEEN. A A Comedietta 

KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL 

Comedy Sketch 
MEET MY WIFE A Comedy D.ama 

MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORF, 

THE A Comedy Domestic Upheaval 

PAIR OF PANTS, A Talking Act 

ROSE OF MEXICO, A A Drama 

SALLIE AND SAMMIE A Comedy Skit 

SPIRIT OF CAPTAIN KIDD. THE Comedy 

TWO GIRLS AND HIM Comedy Sketch 

WHAT EVERY WOMAN THINKS SHE 

KNOWS Suffragette Monologue 

Price, 25 Cents Each 



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M. WITMARK & SONS 

Witmark Building, 144-146 West 37th Street, New York 




FRANK DUMONT'S FAMOUS PLAYS 

"A TRAMP AMONG CRANKS," 
Or 
PERPETUAL MOTION. 
Sketch for 6 males. 
By Frank Dumont. 
A laughable experience in a sanitarium of "eccentric" 
inventors. Contains an excellent low comedy part. 
Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 
*'TWO WOMEN AND ONE MAN." 
Sketch for two females. 
By Frank Dumont. 
CAST OF CHARACTERS. 
Bella Sanders, 



T^ . 11 Tir-11- I College Chums 

Estelle Williams, ) =' 

Two schoolmates meet, not having seen each other 
since leaving college. The talk over old tmies is very 
amusing. Naturally, they talk over the good and bad 
points of other mates, although neither believed in 
"running down" their neighbors. While in college 
they had agreed never to marry without consulting the 
other, but time changes matters and they both fall in 
love with the same man. Nothing could bring discord 
to these two loyal friends — but — the man — makes a 
change, and, womanlike, they abuse each other with the 
tongue. It turns out that the man marries one of 
their despised mates, so nothing is left but to console 
each other by ridiculing the man's choice. 

Excellent sketch for two ladies. Can be done in 
white or black face. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

"LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD." 

A Modern Musical Burlesque. 

By Frank Dumont. 

Five Males — Two Females. 

There are many burlesques on "Little Red Riding 
Hood." Mr. Dumont, however, has really outdone all 
others on this occasion. Ours is an unusual production. 
We have incorporated all the musical numbers in the 
book of the play, including the dramatic or cue music. 
Any musical society can handle this version. Contains 
excellent speaking parts and abounds in good comedy 
lines and music. Price, 50 cents, postpaid. 

With complete piano score of original vocal and 
incidental numbers. 

We also rent manuscript arrangements for orchestra 
when desired. 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

87 Witmark Bldg. New York 

POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



CASEY THE INVENTOR 



A VAUDEVILI^K COMIC 



By 

HARRY Iv. NEWTON 



Copyright MCMXIV by M. Witmark (2f Sons 
International copyright secured 



Published by 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

Witmark Building, New York 



CHICAGO LONDON 



76 1^^ 



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Note. — The acting rights of this Sketch are ex- 
pressly reserved by the Publishers, to whom 
Theatrical Managers, zvho wish to produce 
it, should apply. Amateur representation 
may be made i^'ithout such application and 
without charge. 



TMP96-00718^ 



©CI.D 38028 
SEP -2 1914 



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CHARACTERS. 

Casey — In search of a job. 

Mrs. Fairday — Seeking a chauffeur. 

Time of playing — About fifteen minutes. 

Scene — Handsome parlor in Mrs. Fairday's resi- 
dence. Table R, on which is a telephone. 



COSTUMES. 



Casey — Black suit, much the worse for wear ; 
old silk hat ; green ties and socks. Speaks with 
strong Irish brogue. 

Mrs. Fairday — Handsome afternoon gown. 



DIAGRAM OF STAGE. 

0.f?C. CO. bLC 




c. 



t.c. 



' C 2.g . 



AUDIE.NCE. 

I E. — Left first entrance. 



R. I E. — Right first entrance. 
L. U. E. — Left upper entrance. 
C. — Centre of stage. 
R. C. — Right centre of stage. 
L. C, — Left centre of stage. 

C. D.— Centre door. 

D. R. C. — Door right centre. 
D. L. C. — Door left centre. 



CASEY THE INVENTOR. 

A Vaudeville Comic. 

By Harry L. Newton. 



(At rise of curtain Mrs. Fairday discovered at 
telephone.) 

Mrs. Fairday (in phone) — Hello! Hello! Em- 
ployment office? Oh, this is Mrs. Fairday. My 
chauffeur has left me, and I want you to send me 
another. Do you hear me? Chauffeur. I said. 

Enter Casey, C. Stands just inside door. 

Mrs. Fairday {Still speaking in phone) — Hello, 
Hello ! 

Casey — Hello yourself. 

Mrs. Fairday {In phone, not appearing to notice 
him) — I can't hear you. 

Casey (Raising voice) — I say, hello yourself, 
ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday {In phone) — Hello! Hello! 
Casey — For the love of Mike, hello ! 
Mrs. Fairday — Say, will you please talk a little 
louder? I can't hear you at all. 



CASEY THE INVENTOR 



Casey (Aside) — B'gorry, that woman must be 
awful deaf. (Puts a hand to his mouth and shouts 
at her) :Hello, hello ! Now can yez hear me ? 

Mrs. Fairday {Impatiently into phone) — Please 
stand closer and speak louder. 

Casey {Aside) — Ah, the poor woman. She has 
no ears at all, at all. {Moves closer to her.) 

Mrs. Fairday {Into phone) — That's better. 

Casey {Aside) — Fm glad you like it. 

Mrs. Fairday {Into phone) — Now speak up; 
don't be afraid. 

Casey {Puts both hands to mouth and yells) — 
How do ye do, ma'am? 

Mrs. Fairday {Lets receiver fall and jumps in 
surprise to her feet, whirls about on him; he falls 
to floor) — For goodness sake! Where did you 
drop from? 

Casey {On floor) — Oh, not far. 

Mrs. Fairday — You certainly got here quick. 

Casey — Yes, but T got here quicker {Sitting up). 

Mrs. Fairday — I was just this minute telephon- 
ing for you. 

Casey — Fm glad I came. {Slowly rises to feet, 
ivith one hand on seat of trousers.) 

Mrs. Fairday — Won't you sit down? 

Casey — Thank ye kindly, ma'am, I just sat down. 

Mrs. Fairday {Laughs, then crosses to sofa and 
sits) — Come and sit here with me. 

Casey {Facial mugging; aside) — B'gorry, Fve 
made a smash on her. {Comedy walk to sofa and 
sit.) 



CASEY THE INVENTOR 



Mrs. Fairday — I hardly expected you so soon. 
(Smiles at him.) 

Casey — No, ma'am. I'm more often sooner than 
expected. 

Mrs. Fairday — And your name? 

Casey — Michael Casey, ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday {Smilingly) — Oh, what matters? 
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. 

Casey (Rising angrily) — It's none of your busi- 
ness how I smell ! 

Mrs. Fairday (Smiling and pulling him down) 
Don't be angry, Mr. Casey. I was merely quoting. 
My name is Mrs. Fairday. 

Casey — WtW, don't blame me ; I never met ye 
before. 

Mrs. Fairday { Laughs) ^How witty you are. 

Casey — I'm not dippy. (Aside) : B'gorry, she's 
bughouse ! 

Mrs. Fairday — I suppose you are aware of the 
purpose of your visit here? 

Casey — Sure, what is it? 

Mrs. Fairday — \\ hy, you are to be my chauffeur. 

Casey — Am I? 

Mrs. Fairday — Certainly. 

Casey (Slying mugging and edging closer to her) 
— Oh, ma'am, this is so sudden ! 

Mrs. Fairday (Moving azvay from him) — You 
needn't begin work so soon, Mr. Casey. 

Casey — Oh, I don't belong to the union. I can 
work overtime if I want to. 



CASEY THE INVENTOR 



Mrs. Fairday — Well, you wait till the wRistle 
blows. Now in the first place, what experience 
did you ever have? 

Casey — Experience ? 

Mrs. Fairday — Yes, of course. You worked for 
somebody, did you not? 

Casey — Sure, ma'am. I worked for ten people 
in one week. 

Mrs. Fairday — Well, that's going some. 

Casey— Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday — Besides your duties as chauffeur, 
you will be expected to answer the bell. 

Casey — I thought you said the whistle blew. 

Mrs. Fairday — No, no ; vou must answer the 
bell. 

Casey — What shall J tell the bell. 

Mrs. Fairday (Impatiently) — You don't tell the 
bell anything. When visitors come they ring the 
bell ; you go to the door, ask for their card and 
bring it to me. 

Casey — Oh. is that the gag? 

Mrs. Fairday — Yes. And now you understand? 
(Bell rings off C.) There's the bell now. 

Casey (Rising) — All right; Fll go fetch it to ye. 

Mrs. Fairday — You go and answer the bell. 

(Casey does eccentric walk to door C, and exit. 
Enter with tray. He stubs toe and falls to floor, 
then scrambles on hands and knees to sofa, gets 
behind it and peeks out.) 

Mrs. Fairday — For gracious sake ! What is the 
matter ? 



CASEY THE INVENTOR 



Casey (Cautiously coming from behind sofa and 
rising to feet) — Did ye see 'em, ma'am? 

Mrs. Fairda\- — Why, I saw no one. 

Casey — B'gorry, there was an awful crowd of 'em 
out there. I killed 2? of them, and the other 45 
run. 

Mrs. Fairday (Looks all about) — Where are the 
ones you killed? 

Casey — They was ashamed to be seen for lettin' 
one man kill them, and they all got up and run 
after the other 55. 

Mrs. Fairday — Hold on. You said 45 a moment 
ago. You're telling an untruth. 

Casey — W^ell, ye ought to be ashamed of yourself, 
makin' me out a liar for five men. 

Mrs. Fairday — Well, who was at the door? 

Casey — A man with a letter. 

Mrs. Fairday — Well, give it to me. 

Casey (Hands her letter) — Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday {Taking letter and tearing open 
envelope) — A\'hy, it's from my mother. 

Casey (Looking over her shoulder at letter) — 
Why, so it is. My, what a bad lot of writing. 

Mrs. Fairday (Indignantly) — How dare you! 
My mother knows more in a minute than you'll 
ever know. I won't listen to one word against 
my mother. Do you understand, sir? My mother 
was a lady ! 

Casey — Your mother was a lady? 

Mrs. Fairday — Yes, sir ; my mother was a lady ! 



9 CASEY THfi INVENTOR 



Casey — Well, what do you think my mother was, 
an incubator? 

Mrs. Fairday (Laughs) — Oh, well, we'll not 
quarrel. 

Casey (Picks up a photograph from table) — 
B'gorry, look at the dude. 

Mrs. Fairday — Stop ! You mustn't call that gen- 
tleman names. 

Casey (Laughs) — B'gorry, he looks like a lobster. 

Mrs. Fairday— He may be a lobster, but that's 
all. 

Casey — Well, ain't that enough. 

Mrs. Fairday — It's very evident to me that you 
don't knov/ what a lobster is. 

Casey — Maybe not. What's a lobster? 

Mrs. Fairday — A lobster is a gentleman who has 
plenty of money, spends it freely and scatters it 
everywhere. 

Casey (Pulling out empty pockets) — What do 
you think of that? 

Mrs. Fairday— What do I think of what? 

Casey — I haven't got a cent. I must be a crab. 

Mrs. Fairday (Laughs) — A'ery good, Mr. Casey. 

Sit down again and tell me something of your past 

life. A\'hat was the most exciting time vou ever 

had? 

Casey (Sits beside her) — Well, ma'am, last sum- 
mer I went out shootin' ducks. It was quite a 
warm day, about 248 in the shade. 

Mrs. Fairday — T should call that rather warm. 
Did you say 248 in the shade? 



CASEY THE INVENTOR 10 



Casey — I'm speakin' nothing but the truth, 
ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday — Why, the very idea ! 248 in the 
shade ! You would have been sunstruck. 

Casey — I kept out of the sun, ma'am. I was in 
the shade all the time. 

Mrs. Fairday — Well, go ahead. What happened? 

Casey — Well, ma'am, as I was walkin' along I 
saw a lake, and in this lake was a million and three 
ducks. 

Mrs. Fairday — One million and three ducks ! 
Are you quite sure you are telling me the truth? 

Casey — Sure. You don't suppose I'd lie for three 
ducks, do ye? 

Mrs. Fairday — No, of course not. "Two hun- 
dred and forty-eight in the shade," and a "million 
and three ducks !" Go ahead. 

Casey — W^ell, I raised me trusty gun and aimed 
it at them million and three ducks. And what do 
you think? 

Mrs. Fairday — I haven't the least idea. What 
happened? 

Casey — The weather suddenly changed to 197 
below zero-. The million and three ducks got their 
feet frozen in the lake, I hred my gun, and — 

Mrs. Fairday — Killed the million and three 
ducks? 

Casey — No, ma'am. They all flew up in the air 
and took the lake with them. 

Mrs. Fairday (Laughs) — Oh, come now. You 
don't expect me to believe that, do you? 



11 CASEY THE INVENTOR 



Casey — Sure I do, ma'am. B'gorry, I kin show 
ye the hole in the ground where the lake was, any- 
time ye say. 

Mrs. Fairday (Laughs)— Yon can certainly tell 
some interesting experiences, can't you? 

Casey — Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday — Know any more? 

Casey — As many as ye like. One time I was 
out huntin' bear — 

Mrs. Fairday {Interrupts) — And you saw five 
million, I suppose? 

Casey — No, ma'am ; only one. 

Mrs. Fairday — Well, that sounds more like a 
reasonable amount. Go ahead, I'll listen. 

Casey — Well, ma'am, I came across a bear, and 
just as I was about to shoot, the bear knocked the 
gun out of me hands, and I started to run. 

Mrs. Fairday — Yes, yes, go on. 

Casey — I did then — like the devil. W^ll, to make 
me story short, I ran for a hundred miles and ten 
feet, then I stopped. 

Mrs. Fairday — Well, I should think you would. 
Anyone that runs a hundred miles, to say nothing of 
an extra ten feet, would have an inclination to stop. 

Casey — All of a sudden like, I remembered that 
I had a knife in me pocket, I pulled out me knife, 
and — 

Mrs. Fairday — {Interrupts) — And you killed 
the bear? 

Casey — No, ma'am, the bear killed me. 



CASEY THE INVENTOR 12 



Mrs. Fairdav {Laughs) — Well, you're nothing 
if not original. What is the next best thing you 
do besides prevaricate? 

Casey — And what's that? 

Mrs. Fairdav — To prevaricate means to stretch 
the imagination. To invent, so to speak. 

Casey — Oh, I got ye. Invent. Sure, Fm that, 
too. 

Mrs. Fairday — You mean that you are an in- 
ventor? 

Casey — I am that same. 

Mrs. Fairday (Laughs)- -WgW, what did you 
ever invent besides tiction? 

Casey — I invented a net for an airship. If the 
airship should lose its balance and fall, the net would 
catch it. 

]Mrs. Fairday — Splendid idea ! But what holds 
the net up? 

Casey {Scratches head, puzded) — B'gorry, I 
never thought of that, ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday — Anything else wonderful you've 
invented ? 

Casey — Sure. I've invented a bullet-proof suit of 
clothes. 

Mrs. Fairday — Ah, that sounds more reasonable. 
Are you sure your suit of clothes is bullet-proof? 

Casey — Sure. I put it on a man and fired twelve 
shots from me revolver at him, and at the twelfth 
shot he was still standin'. 

Mrs. Fairday — Wonderful ! But perhaps your 
bullets didn't hit the man. 



13 CASEY THE INVENTOR 



Casey — They didn't. That's the wonderful part 
of my invention. -You can't even hit the clothes. 

Mrs. Fairday — Oh, you're a humbug. 

Casey — I invented another thing, ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday — What is it this time? 

Casey — A compass to put on a dill pickle. 

Mrs. Fairday — A compass to put on a dill 
pickle ? 

Casey — Yes, ma'am. 

Mrs. Fairday — And pray, what is the idea of a 
compass on a dill pickle? 

Casey — When you bite the pickle ye can tell 
which way it's goin' to squirt. 

Mrs. Fairday (Laughs) — Well, that's a great 
idea. Anything else you've invented? 

Casey — Sure. 

Mrs. Fairday — \\'hat is it this time? 

Casey — I invented a button for use on a railroad. 

Mrs. Fairday — Please explain. 

Casey — Two trains are comin' toward each other 
on the same track; awful collision bound to occur; 
I press the button ; one train leaps 50 feet in the 
air, and the other remains on the track. 

Mrs. Fairday — Yes, but what becomes of the 
train that leaps 50 feet in the air? 

Casey — I am not responsible for the train after 
it leaves the track. 

Song for Finale. 
Note. — This Act may also be used as a Talking 
Act in one, if so desired, by omitting open- 
ing. 

CURTAIN 



PLAYS— SKETCHES AND MONOLOGUES 



'THE HABITAT'S REVENGE." 

A Play in One Act. For 2 Males. 
By Gordon Rogers. 

A Canadian-French trapper, while recalling how he 
and his daughter were wronged by a stranger to whom 
he showed hospitality, twenty years ago, that very 
night, and plotting revenge, is suddenly visited by 
apparently the same man, whom he recognizes, but 
who does not recognize him. Taking the visitor at 
a disadvantage, the trapper, before wreaking vengeance 
upon him, discloses his identity, and recites his wrongs 
to him, recalling how he was robbed of his only 
daughter, twenty years before, by the handsome 
stranger. 

While the trapper is seeking his child his aged father 
dies at home, and the daughter afterwards returns to 
her father's cabin onl}^ to die on its threshold. For 
all this, vows the trapper, the other must die, but just 
as the much-wronged man is about to put his threat 
into execution, the younger, realizing that he is the 
son of the wrongdoer, declares himself just in time to 
save his life. 

A powerful dramatic story, most effectively told, and 
affording opportunities for the portrayal of a strong 
character study and of an attractive juvenile part. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid 

"THE REHEARSAL." 

A Novel Social Entertainment. For 7 Females. 
By EfBe W. Merriam. 
In this most amusing playlet the participants mingle 
with the audience, thus making the entertainment ap- 
pear to be entirely extemporaneous. Neither stage, 
scenery nor special costumes are needed to make it 
effective; in fact 'The Rehearsal" may be acceptably 
given either in the parlor or on the porch or lawn, 
and is so arranged that very little memorizing is neces- 
sary — a great point in its favor, especially when but 
little time can be given to preparation. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid 



M. WITMARK & SONS 

87 Witmark Bldg. New York 

POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



DRAMATIC SKETCHES. 

"THE LAST OF THE CARGILLS." 
A Dramatic Scene for 1 Male and 1 Female. 

A beautiful story, full of sentiment and refined humor 
of the Southland. An excellent opportunity for a wo- 
man who can portray the old time southern ''mammy, " 
and for a man who can depict the old southern lover. 
A character full of dignity and pathos. 

The scene shows the dining-room in an old southern 
mansion on Christmas day. Outside the snow is falling, 
inside all is bright and cheerful. George Cargill has the 
Christmas dinner table laid with covers for all his lost 
loves, and his best friend; although he alone sits at 
the board. In a reminiscent mood he recalls all the 
qualities, good and bad, of his one time sweethearts 
and of his best friend, and speaks as though they were 
present. 

Finally when "Old Mammy" brings in the turkey she 
finds that "the last of the Cargills," has gone to join 
those he loved, in the great beyond. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid 

"JOHN CLAYTON, ACTOR!" 
A Play in One Act for 2 Males and 1 Female. 

This little play might well be called " a modern Gar- 
rick," and closely follows the general theme of Gar- 
rick, although it is entirely different. 

Louise Warren has worshipped at the shrine of John 
Clayton, a successful actor, and has attended all of his 
performances, to the consternation and dismay of her 
relatives and friends. 

Finally her father, Colonel Warren, a typical southern 
gentleman of the old school, calls on Clayton to per- 
suade him to leave the country or in some way to 
break off the infatuation of his daughter. Louise learns 
of this visit of her father and also calls at Clayton's 
rooms to warn him as she fears her father may do 
him some harm. Clayton promises to disillusion Louise 
and assumes the disguise of Clayton's servant, and after 
hiding Colonel Warren, admits Louise to whom he 
paints Clayton as the most lewd villain. 

Finally Colonel Warren appreciates the sterling qual- 
ities of Clayton, and the sacrifice he is making, enters 
the room and tells Louise, Clayton is only acting, and 
is in reality all she had imagined him to be — her ideal. 

He consents to their union, and all ends felicitously. 
Price, 25 cents, postpaid 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

87 Witmark Bldg. New York 

POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



FRANK DUMONT'S FAMOUS PLAYS 

"The DIALECT COMEDIAN/' 

By Frank Dumont. 

This is a work that has been much called for. Bits 
of every dialect are presented, giving stories, jokes and 
gags as they should be told. The little book will assist 
you greatly. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

"THE ST. LOUIS FAIR HOTEL." 
Sketch by Frank Dumont. 
Four Male Characters. 
Fun galore in this sketch. It shows an avaricious 
hotel keeper in operation assisted by his "faithful" man- 
of-all-work. Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 
"McWADE'S PLATOON." 
Burlesque Dialect Police Drill. 
FINALE FOR FIRST PART. 
By Frank Dumont. 
Several nationalities are presented in this drill, giving 
splendid opportunities for good comedy work. Songs 
and marches are introduced, making an excellent finale 
or number for the olio. Something new. 
Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 
"WHEN WOMEN RULE US." 
Burlesque and Court House Scene. 
By Frank Dumont. 
Twenty Characters. 
This satire is arranged specially for ladies wherein 
all the characters are assumed by them; the two hus- 
bands being represented by the ladies also. 

This burlesque may be used by gentlemen who, at- 
tired in grotesque imitation of female wardrobe and 
fads, can create any amount of laughter by imitating 
the gentle sex in mannerisms. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

"MY NEW TYPEWRITER." 

Sketch by Frank Dumont. 

CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Fine A. Silk, a busy agent 

Mrs. Silk, his wife, assuming disguises of tough girl, 

old maid and a gushing girly-girly typewriter 

A "screaming" sketch for one male and one female. 
Most excellent for a clever woman who can do char- 
acter parts. In this sketch the female character is 
obliged to assume three distinct roles, all of which lead 
up to complications that are ludicrously funny. Plenty 
of work for the male character — always busy. "My 
New Typewriter" is a satire on a popular topic. The 
theme is carefully worked out. 

Price, 25 cents, postpaid. 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

87 Witmark Bldg. New York 

POSITIVELY NO PLAYS EXCHANGED. 



THE VERY LA library of congress 
PLAYS, MONOLOGUES, SI 




"A Rose of Mexico" 

A Comedy-Dramatic Playlet of Mexican Life. 
An Orig-inal Dramatic Playlet for one Male and 
one Female, the scene of which is laid in Mexico 

The story is of Carmita, a Mexican girl, recently 
returned from school in the United States, and Pedro, 
a Mexican youth who has turned bandit in her ab- 
sence to secure money enough to ask lier to marry 
him. 

**A Pair of Pants" 

A Rapid-Fire Talking Act. 
This act for straight man and comedian who 
wants his three doHars. while the other wants his 
pants, runs ri'ot with fun. gags, absurdities and snap- 
py lines. Plenty of opportunity for good acting. 

*'A Jack and His Queen" 

Comedietta in one act for two Males and one Female. 

Jack Windsor, a young bachelor, returned from 
an eight years' tour of the world, he decides to settle 
down by marrying his fiancee, Flora Mason. Flora 
pays a surreptitious visit to Jack's apartments. "Tot- 
tie Twinklctoes." a dancer, is to call. 

Jack discovers Flora in his rooms and mistakes 
her for Tottie. Flora keeps up the deception and 
some very smart dialogue ensues. 

"An Invitation to the Ball'' 

A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Female. 
Plenty of work .nnd good comedy for Mosc John- 
son, a colored servant, and Birdie BirdscM. the daugh- 
ter of his master, who has made up her mind to at- 
tend a masque ball with Mose in attendance. 

^'Chatter" 

A Monologue for Males. 
This is a brisk and breezy up-to-date monologue 
for light or low comedians It is a whirlwind of com- 
ical lines which reach the apex of wit. Used with 
great success by professional entertainers. 

"Down in Paradise Alley** 

An East Side Episode for one Male and one Female. 
Tells a delightful story of a young college gradu- 
ate who has fallen in love with Jerry O'ConnelIra lit- 
tle East Side street singer, living in Paradise Alle\', 
New York. A charming little playlet in which com- 
edy and pathos are beautifully blended. The special- 
ties introduced throughout the playlet are at the op- 
tion of the performers. 

"Family Secrets*' 

A Monologue for Rube Girl. 
This Rube Girl hands you a laugh every two sec- 
onds on a subject which appeals to all, viz., her de- 
scription of her home and "folks" Up-State. 



"Izzy*s Vacation" 

A summer episode in two scenes. 

This is a splendid comedy for Hebrew comedians 
and lady who can play pert young miss. 

Izzy Goldberg is on a vacation in the country and 
running across Grace Howe, a breezy person who, in 
the spirit oi mischief, accuses Izzy of having followed 
her 

"Keep Your Eye on^the Ball" 

A Comedy Sketch for one Male and one Female. 

For a clever Irish comedian and leading 
woman Madame Blavatsky. fortune teller, has 
money disguises himself as Madame Blavatsky. The 
coHiplications that follow must be read to be appre- 
ciated. 

"Meet My Wife** 

A Comedy Sketch, for two Males and one Female. 

George Chamberlain, a hen-pecked husband, may 
not drink, smoke or have an opinion of his own with- 
out his wife's permission With the arrival of a 
friend, Percy Hamilton, he enters into a plot to cir- 
cuiTtvent his wife and eventually becomes fnaster in 
his own house. 

"The Spirit of Captain Kidd" 

A \'audevillc Playlet in two scenes. 

Dealing with the absurd adventures of Timothy 
McSorley, an Irish laborer, and Hi Grass, a regular 
rube, who. on learning of treasure buried by the no- 
torious pirate. Captain Kidd, set out to find it. 

This excruciatingly funny playlet is in two 
scenes. It is one long screain from start to finish. 

"Two Girls and Him" 

A Comedy classic in one scene for two Females and 
one Male. 

There is a vein of exquisite sentiment running 
through this little playlet. 

Florence and Birdie Feathertop find themselves 
stranded. Timothy McDuflF hears of their sad plight 
and spends his earnings to pay their way to the city 

"What Every Woman Thinks She foioW 

A Suffragette Monologue. 

This monologue on the suffragette question is a 
scream from beginning to end. More ludicrous "pat- 
ter" could not well be imagined. There is a dash of 
brilliant wit and humor that cannot fail to please. 



ANY OF THE ABOVE 25 CENTS EACH 

M. WITMARK & SONS 

86 WITMARK BUILDmG ^ New York 



